After reflecting on 2 Samuel 4, I realized that my life leading up to where I am now could relate a lot to Ishbosheth.
He was a man who took his courage and trust from another man (Abner) rather than God. When he found out about Abner's death, he felt as if he was left with nothing. Then when under pressure, he turned to fear.
For most of my life, I thought my trust and courage came from the Lord, but soon realized that it came from trying to rescue and fix other people. In doing so, when those people would disappoint me or leave, I felt as if my life was left with nothing at all.
I felt hopeless. I felt unworthy. I felt damaged.
I felt doubt. I felt alone.
I felt fear.
Fear can truly paralyze us when our faith and trust is in everything else but God.
But when we put our faith and trust in Him, we can overcome that fear.
"So we can say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear...'" (Hebrews 13:6)
"He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust Him. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrows that flies in the day." (Psalm 91: 2,5)
There are so many evil things going on in this world and it's hard not to fall into the darkness. I was there and it was not an easy thing to pull myself out of either. Once I realized that my entire life was living in this fear, I knew there was only one way out.
So I set it in my heart to grow closer to my faith and God.
Each day was a stepping stone and I slowly stopped finding my trust in others.
I started seeing God's goodness around me and His mercy for my lack of faith.
He was my shield against that darkness.
Did I fall short? Of course I did.
The journey to trust and follow God is not meant to be easy.
But having patience and determination that you want to flee from that darkness and fear will guide you to put your whole heart into trusting God and many blessings and happiness will be waiting for you.
Truly blind faith.
As we read further into Chapter 5 of 2 Samuel, we learn how patient David was in waiting for God's promise to him. David was promised the kingdom many years earlier, but it didn't become his until several years later. However, his patience prepared him for his important tasks that were a head of him and also strengthened his character. Think of all the times we have had to be patient in our lives. I truly feel that my patience in this last year is what gave me the confidence and strength to be who I am today.
When David captures the fortress of Zion, it truly shows David's trust in God. The Jebusites told him that even the blind and lame could keep him out because they felt they were safe within the walls around them. But think about it, are we truly safe if God is not near? The Jebusties were the ones who were blind and lame as they had their trust in the false security of other things but the Lord.
However, David shows us that his trust and security is in God and he found a way to show his trust in God in how he captures this city that then became the City of David.
Whether we are surrounded by walls of stone, a comfortable home, or a secure job, no one can predict what tomorrow may bring. Our relationship with God is the only security that cannot be taken away.
Chapter 5 ends with David's battle with the Philistines and how he asked and listened to God to guide him on what to do and how to conquer this battle.
We are given free will and most of us struggle to find the right thing to do in life. We have the choice to ignore God and do things our own way OR truly listen and look for signs from God to guide us to make the right decision.
David was the chosen one and even though he failed on his journey, he put on the armor of God, he listened and he trusted Him without fear of what was to come.
This inspires me because of the fear I've lived with for many years. But I choose to trust God as David did, have the patience that my trust in God will guide me down the path to true happiness without the fear that almost took over my life.
Are you going to put your trust and courage in others like Ishbosheth or are you going to put on your armor of faith and find your security in God?
Patience. Determination. Trust.
