The Soul of the Gospel

"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." -Matthew 6:14-15

As Catholics, there is one prayer we say every time we go to mass.

It's specifically talks about forgiveness.

Growing up, I never put much thought into it, because the mass is very repetitive.  But if we take the time to truly understand each prayer being said and allow it to heal our hearts and souls, it becomes more than just repetitive.

"So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying that same thing." -Matthew 26:44

Jesus would pray the same prayer more than once.  If He is repetitive in His prayers, then us as Christians should never feel that prayer is just repetitive.  The more we say it, the deeper it becomes engraved in our hearts, and then it begins to heal to us.  It begins to help us see who Christ really is.

Once we see Christ, we are able to open our hearts to Him and let him into our every day lives.

Forgiveness.

"Our Father who art in Heaven,

Hallowed be thy name;

thy kingdom come;

thy will be done

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread;

and forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive those who trespass against us;

and lead us no into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.

Amen."

This is not just a prayer we say in mass, it is found in the Bible too.

Matthew 9:6-15

God wants us to forgive.  Without forgiveness, our souls begin to fill with anger, resentment, frustration, and anxiety.

When we choose not to forgive, we are turning our backs to God.

There is no peace without forgiveness.

I've struggled  with this for years, and I will always admit that.  I've been incredibly angry with someone who did me wrong.

Someone I should have always been able to trust.

About 7 years ago, I thought I had forgiven this person.

And I had.

But I didn't continue to forgive this person.  I didn't pray for this person every single day.

So that frustration and anger started to build back up.

I became so angry with this person that I lost who I was.

I lost who I was and started to become a horrible version of myself.

I forgot how to love myself as God has loved me.

I was reading a book this morning about rediscovering Jesus.

One chapter in this book talked specifically about forgiveness.

I immediately thought of this person who I was so angry with and remembered that I haven't been praying for this person, asking God to forgive them for the wrong they have not only done to me, but to others.

As I'm learning to rediscover Jesus again, which truth be told, no one should ever stop!

But as I continue to, I need to remember that no matter how many times I've been done wrong, I must always forgive.

By praying for those who have done me wrong.

Whether it be someone who cuts me off while driving.

Or someone who says horrible things about me behind my back.

Every single day, we can be caught up in resentment towards anyone who causes us hurt or frustration.

But in those moments, we must remember to pray those wounded souls.

Pray that during their times of darkness, that they find the light.

That they find the truth in Christ.

In doing so, we are not only learning to truly forgive, we are letting go of all the negative feelings and emotions that are deep within our hearts.

We are learning to love ourselves again.

In turn, we learn to love those around us, no matter how they've treated us.

It doesn't mean we have to forget what they've done, but it helps us learn that we are all sinners in this fallen world.

Those who are struggling are the ones who need forgiveness the most.

That's why we must pray for them every single time we feel that anger towards them.

We can't let our hearts grow cold.

We have to keep it burning with passion for Christ.

"As God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience." - Colossians 3:12

Let go of the bitterness.

Pray for those people in most need of forgiveness.

To the person who has done me wrong....

I forgive you.

I pray for you.

I love you.

God loves you too.

Heavenly Father, I pray today that you help this person see their weakness.  Help them see that they need you and need your forgiveness.  Yes, they have done me wrong.  Please help me grow to love them unconditionally, as you love us.  Thank you for your forgiveness.  Thank you for your love.  I pray that this person feels your love and understands they need you.  Help me let go of all the bitterness towards them.  Amen.

I will end this blog on an even more powerful prayer that if said every day, it will change your life.  I know it has started to change mine.

Father Rookey, a healing priest who I believe with all my heart healed my sister, believes that if you say this prayer faithfully, no matter how you feel, and you get to a point where if you sincerely mean each word with all your heart, Jesus will change your whole life in a special way.

"Lord Jesus, I come before You, just as I am, I am sorry for my sins, I repent of my sins, please forgive me. In Your Name, I forgive all others for what they have done against me. I renounce Satan, the evil spirits and all their works. I give You my entire self, Lord Jesus, I accept You as my Lord God and Savior. Heal me, change me, strengthen me in body, soul, and spirit.

Come Lord Jesus, cover me with Your Precious Blood, and fill me with Your Holy Spirit, I love You Lord Jesus, I praise You Lord Jesus, I thank You Jesus, I shall follow You every day of my life. Amen."

Forgiveness.

Light your World.

Greatest Gift of All

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders.  And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

-Isaiah 9:6

During the Christmas Eve Mass last night, the priest had all of the children gather up front.  As I watched them run up to the front of church, I was overwhelmed by the pure innocence of each child.

Once all the children made their way to the front and sat down, the priest asked,

"What present do we want the most at Christmas?"

Majority of the children yelled out,

"Baby Jesus!"

He then had three huge presents that he let the children open one at a time.  One box full of socks, another box full of jump start cables, and the last one full of candy.

The socks represented that Jesus is essential to our every day life.

The jump start cables represented how we seek Jesus in times of need.

The candy represented how we want and crave Jesus and need to share His truth with everyone around us.

I know He is essential in my every day life.

His grace and mercy heals my heart and soul every day.

He brings me more joy than anyone could ever bring to my life.

When I thank Him for all the good in my life every day, I find myself shining my own light of His truth through my actions and words.

I find that I'm less negative and don't complain as often.

And during my times darkness, my relationship with Him lets my light keep burning. 

I used to be the kind of person who would only call out Jesus' name when I was suffering and when I thought I needed Him.

And yes, during those times of pain and suffering, I cry out to Him.

I ask for His healing hands to take away my pain.

I let myself cry in order for His grace and mercy to heal my brokenness.

But in that darkness, I continue to thank Him for all the good He brings me.

It truly keeps me going and brings me out of that pain and suffering so much faster.
It's helps me stay positive when I see the positives in my life. 

And because He is essential to my every day life, I'm able to share that with those around me, through my actions.

He lights a fire deep within in soul.

His unconditional love brings me a love I never knew I could have for people.

His truth gives me hope.

I pray this Christmas, that you not only let Him be apart of your every day life, but you let Him light a fire within you to burn and share with those in your life.

Let His light shine through the dreary weather,

negative feelings,

and all the horrible things going on in this world.

We can be that light and strengthen to those who are struggling and weak.

As you let your Christmas lights shine tonight, remember He is the light in the darkness.

He is the greatest gift of all.

Today and always.

Merry Christmas!

Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel

One of my favorite Christmas songs.

But that's not the reason I'm writing this post.

The final word in the title of this beautiful song has more significance than I think most realize.

That final word is what we as Christians need to believe in our hearts every single day.

Through our pain and suffering.

Through our praise and thanksgiving.

Emmanuel.

Emmanuel means "God With Us."

You know what that means, right?

We are NEVER alone.

The holidays are a time to be joyful and thankful.  However, in this world, there will always be things that will causes sadness and darkness.

It can be the loss of someone very dear to us.

It could be our own personal struggles within ourselves.

It could be unhappiness in relationships or our careers.

Rejection.

Betrayal.

Broken promises.

No matter what our hurt or sadness is from, God is always with us.

He doesn't promise to take the hurt or pain away, but he promises to always be with us and never leave us.

We have this beautiful opportunity to open our hearts through this suffering and lay it at the feet of Jesus.

He promises to take on our burdens and walk this difficult journey with us.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:19

It can be hard to remember His promises when we are in darkness.  As cliche as this might sound, there is always light at the end of this dark tunnel.

His promises are that light.

The truth. 

What are some of his promises?

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 

-2 Corinthians 12:9

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind.  And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

-1 Corinthians 10:13

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28

Even in our darkness, He fulfills His promises.

In our darkness, He is our light.

Rather than focusing on trying to get away from this suffering, embrace the pain and lean on God.  Lean on those promises.  Through those trials, we become stronger.

"For I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

-Philippians 4:13

Jesus experienced betrayal, torture, and darkness.  He experienced the ultimate suffering and pain.

He overcame it.

God has promised us victory over death.

"But thanks be to God!  He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
- 1 Corinthians 15:57

Death did NOT win.

The pain and suffering did NOT win.

Jesus gave us HOPE.

Cling to His promises, the truth, and the light.

Our pain and suffering will NOT win.  We will overcome all of it with the hope that has been given to us through Jesus Christ.

God With Us.

Emmanuel.

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
- Revelation 21:4

  

Make the Choice

"There is not enough room in your mind for both worry and faith.  You must decide which one gets to live there."

Which do you choose?

I know recently I've been more concerned about "what if's" and questioning things in my life, rather than just giving all my worries and concerns to God.

He's in control and often times I find myself still trying to cling to that control, even when I know I shouldn't.

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."

-1 Peter 5:7

If we read further into this chapter in Peter, we see how choosing faith isn't always easy, but it's essential to our lives.

"Be alert and of sober mind.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, STANDING FIRM IN FAITH, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings."

-1 Peter 5:8-9

We are all struggling in our journey of faith.

Holidays are hard.

I have found myself in tears most of this weekend so incredibly hurt and angry; even dreading this Christmas.

Every day can be absolutely painful.

Whether we are struggling physically, emotionally, mentally, each day can be a struggle in this broken world.

We have to make the choice on whether we let that worry and sadness take over our lives, or stand firm in our faith and know God has a plan.

A plan that is beyond our imagination.

A plan that God has carefully created for each of us.

A plan that will be revealed when He knows we are ready.

I saw that quote earlier today.  I didn't quite let it sink in right away, as I knew I had to be vulnerable in order to understand it.

As the day progressed, I let myself be vulnerable.

I let myself cry.  I let those tears of sadness, hurt, and anger pour out of me and turn to tears of healing.

I felt the presence of Christ's arms around me and I could feel my shattered world (at least that's what it felt like) start to piece itself back together.

I choose FAITH.

Always.

I know I will stumble and fall at times, but if I allow it, I will let Him pick me right back up.

I choose to keep pushing forward.

I choose to keep looking up.

I choose to NEVER lose FAITH.

What do you choose?

Have a blessed week and may you find peace among the chaos of the holidays.

XOXO

The Heart of Christmas

"Lord our God, with the birth of your Son, your glory breaks on the world. Through the night hours of the darkened earth, we your people watch for the coming of your promised Son. As we wait, give us a foretaste of the joy that you will grant us when the fullness of his glory has filled the earth, who lives and reigns with you for ever and ever. Amen."

This new year is the year of mercy and forgiveness.

As the days led up to this beautiful day in which we celebrate Christ's birth, I tried to grasp the true meaning of Advent.

The word Advent comes from the Latin word "coming."

For many years, Christmas to me was all about presents, cookie making, decorations, and all the worldly things it has become.

During the Advent season, I tried to read a passage from my advent devotional book I picked up from the Basilica in Carey, OH.

Each passage was filled with many reflections on how to strengthen my relationship with my faith and Christ.

Each night, I tried to remember that Advent was intended for the preparation of Christ's arrival, his birth that we celebrate on Christmas Day as well as his second coming.

And I needed to prepare my heart.

I will admit that a lot of those days, my heart was cold. I could barely even think of the true meaning of Advent because my life was so wrapped up with doctor's appointments, stress at work, stress of finding the perfect gifts for everyone, and even stress to make everything look just right for Christmas in my apartment.

Even at the beginning of this week, leading up to Christmas, I could feel myself slipping so far away that I became angry.  My anxiety intensified.  I could feel Satan pulling me so far away from the true meaning of this season.

One night, I finally sat down and realized I was focusing on things that weren't important.  I was allowing all of the negative things in my life take over what I was striving to find this season....

Peace.

Forgiveness.

Mercy.

Love.

Joy.

And in that moment, I felt all of these things I'd been searching for.  I forgave those who have done me wrong.  I asked for forgiveness for all the wrong I had done.  I could feel God's presence within me during this quiet reflection and I felt His mercy and grace.  I felt peace and joy.  I felt His unconditional love.

From that day forward this week, for the first time in 27 years, I finally grasped the true meaning of Christmas.

This season is about sharing laughter and love with those family and friends around you.

This season is about being thankful for all you've been blessed with, big or small.

This season is about forgiveness and mercy.

This season is to recognize the good in people and also the good within yourself.

This season is about our Lord Jesus Christ, who came into this world to teach us all of these things and many more.

I truly believe that the heart of Christmas, taught to us by Christ Himself, is to cherish each moment we have on this earth.  No matter how difficult our journey is, no matter how much we stumbled and fall off that path, no matter how many horrible things we face, we are to cherish each day given to us.  

I pray this Christmas brings all of you so many blessings, love, laughter, and joy that will last throughout the new year...a year of mercy!

Merry Christmas to all of you!

You're here for a reason and a purpose!
Don't let your light burn out.
Inspire those around you.

Be the LIGHT in this DARK WORLD,
and shine the love of Christ from within,
today and always!

-Isaiah 9:6

A Grateful Heart

Lord God Almighty,

YOU have brought us safely to the beginning of this day,

Defend us in it by Your mighty power,

That this day we may not fall into sin,

But that all our words may be spoken

And all our thoughts and actions directed in such manner

As always to be pleasing in Your sight. 

Through Christ our Lord.  

Amen.

How often do we wake up with a grateful heart?  Most mornings, the first thought that crosses my mind is, "No, I'm too tired.  I don't want to get up.  Why do I have to get up??"

And let's not forget those mornings where we wake up late and have to rush around to get out the door on time.  Those thoughts and words are often far from grateful.  Mine are filled with some negative language and anxiety.

This morning though, I woke up wanting to have a grateful heart.  I've been blessed with so many things lately, and as I opened my eyes, I thanked God for every single thing in my life.  

I thanked Him for a safe place to live.  Family to love.  Friends to grow closer to.  A beautiful sunrise.  A faith that I continue to grow and learn more about.  A special someone who God brought into my life.  Someone who is showing me what trusting the Lord is all about. 

It took me a long time to understand that I had to be happy with myself before I could find happiness with someone else.  Someone that God had just for me.

Most people believe that happiness comes from others.  I believed this for almost 25 years until I failed at something I never thought I would.

But with God's grace, I learned that my happiness, my joy, my love, and my faithful heart all come from Him.  In order to give yourself fully to people in your life, you must love God.  In return, you will love yourself.  And by loving yourself, you can share that love and happiness with those around you.  

So this morning, I'm grateful for God's unconditional love and faithfulness.  What are you thankful for? 

  

Are YOU Afraid to Fall?

Healing.

What does healing mean to you?

To me, it means allowing your mind, body, and soul to be completely vulnerable.  Letting go of the control you have over your life and just giving your soul that chance to experience peace.  And in that moment, the peace begins to fill your entire body and you feel all the broken pieces being put back together in that single moment.  You start anew.

Today I got to experience something very powerful, scary, and amazing all at the same time.

As I said in my previous blog, I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety recently.  Almost to the point that it's taking over my life.  I have a feeling today's opportunity could have possibly changed that....

I've been to a healing mass before, however I was quite young to even understand the meaning of what the healing service was all about.  I did however witness my sister experience healing during that mass as a young girl.

I drove my sister back home to Ohio today knowing what was to come tonight....

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN......

THE HEALING MASS!!!

As I drove, many thoughts crossed my mind.

Ok, do I really need healing?  Well, everyone needs healing, but am I being selfish by wanting to experience the holy spirit heal my troubled soul?

YOU bleppity bleep bleep car!!  Get the bleep off the road!!!

Oh Kara, you definitely need healing tonight.  If it's not for your anxiety, it's obviously for your road rage and selective choice of profound words.

We continue driving and my anxiety increases as we get closer to Ohio.  Anticipation for tonight's mass?  I wasn't so sure at that time.  I kept blaming it on the awful traffic we came upon and the terrible drivers.

As we enter the small town in Ohio, we finally reach our destination.  We unload the car, I take a long nap, eat, and get ready for this mass.  

As we arrive at the church, I start to panic.

Coming to this mass means I have to be vulnerable.  I'm not ready to be vulnerable.  I don't want to cry.  I don't want to rest in the spirit.  I'm not ready for this.

Even though my mind was repeating this over and over again, my body kept pressing forward towards the church.  Kimi and I walked in silence most of the way.  The only form of conversation was me asking questions regarding this mass.

We finally made it into the church and took a seat.  I began to pray.  I first started off by thanking God for getting me this far.  Thanking him for everything he has blessed me with recently.  I then prayed for those who are struggling with different things in their lives, praying that their souls would find peace during their struggles.

Check the pulse...holy moly my heart rate just keeps getting higher.  My anxiety has only increased since I got here.  God seriously??  I'm here in your house.  Why do I feel anxious?

Mass started and ended.  As the healing part of the mass approached, my chest was tight.  I began to sweat.  I felt like I couldn't breathe.

The priest started to explain what was about to happen.  This is the short version:

"The healing mass is a time for your soul to find healing.  Whether it's physical, emotional, mental.  Your soul will find healing in this mass if you allow it.  There are three ways you know the spirit is healing your soul.  One might feel warmth overcome their body.  One might begin to cry, especially those who find it very hard to allow themselves to cry.  And then the one most people are terrified of...resting in the spirit.  This is where you are still in a very conscious state, but your soul is resting.  You will feel the urge to fall back.  No, I'm not pushing you and many people blame me for pushing them.  It's the power of the holy spirit.  There will be someone behind you to catch you and help you lay down.  Don't fight it.  It's hard to be in a vulnerable state, but if the holy spirit is powerful enough to enter your soul like that, let the holy spirit do the healing."

Rest in the spirit?  I don't think so.  Cry?  Yeah right.  I'm not one to cry and there are TONS of people here.  Like I'm gonna cry in front of them?  Psh, no way.  Oh dear God, please let me feel the warmth overcome my body!

I watch as people proceed to front to accept their blessing.  Rather than adding to my high anxiety by worrying what could possibly happen, I prayed for every person that received a blessing.  There were over 50 people in the church.  I sat and prayed for each one.   I tried to turn my selfish thoughts of anxiety into a selfless act of kindness.  Everyone goes through so many difference struggles every day.  Prayer is very powerful and I knew that's what I needed to do. 

Heavenly father, I pray that his/her soul gets the healing it needs.

The first few people never fell back.  After 10 people, I finally saw the first person rest in the spirit.  The priest put his hand on her head and began to pray over her.  Her body began to tilt back.  She fought it.  The priest continued praying.  Her body titled back again and she gave in and let herself fall back.  The person behind her caught her and gently laid her down on the ground.  And there, she rested in the spirit and allowed her soul to heal.

I cried.  What a beautiful and wonderful moment.  She gave herself, body and soul over to God and allowed HIM to heal her soul.  

Kimi leaned over and asked, 

"Do you want to go up there yet?"

I shook my head no and said I needed more time.

I continued to pray for each person who made their way up.  Some people rested in the spirit and some didn't.  Some fought it and some just allowed themselves to fall.

Finally I said I was ready.

As we made our way closer to the front of the church, my body began to shake.  My heart rate was increasing and I was getting very nervous.  We waited as the priest approached us.

As he made his way towards me, I just allowed myself in that split second to be vulnerable.  He approached me, anointed me with oil, and put his hand up to my head.  His fingers barely touched my forehead and his prayer barely began and I felt my body tilt back.  I felt warmth fill my entire body as I fell back.  In that moment, I gave myself completely over to God.

There wasn't a thought in my mind.  All I felt was freedom as my body fell back and landed in the arms of someone who kept me safe.  As he helped me fall to the floor, all I could feel was my heart rate jump as high as it had ever been.  Although my heart rate was high, I didn't feel anxious.  I didn't feel scared.  I didn't feel overwhelmed by stress.  As I laid there, my heart rate continued going up.  I just sat there thanking God for giving my soul a chance to heal.

My eyes opened about a minute later and I stood up, walked back to my seat, and just prayed.  My heart rate still very high and all I could think do was ask, "why?"

"Why is my heart beating so fast but yet I feel no sign of being anxious?  I don't understand God.  Is my soul healing itself?"

As Kimi made her way back to her seat, we gathered our things and left.  As we made it into the car, my heart rate finally began to drop.

Once we got home, we called our mom and told her about our experience.  I told her my heart was still racing more than I thought it would.  As a few more minutes passed, I checked my pulse.  My heart was finally back to beating like it should.  This is the first time in a month that my heart rate was normal.  

I don't have any sign of anxiety.  I don't feel that tightness in my chest.  I truly feel at peace.

For the first time in a month....

Was I healed?

I'd like to believe so.  It's hard to be vulnerable, but amazing things can happen to one's soul when it becomes completely vulnerable.  

Would you ever allow yourself to be that vulnerable?  Let go of any type of control and just let God take control like that?

As your ponder that thought, know I'm praying for you.  I pray that whatever struggles you are facing, that your soul will find the healing it needs.  I pray that your soul finds the peace it needs and you find your way back to feeling normal.

God bless you.

XOXO