A Sign of Hope

This message from yesterday's devotional was absolutely perfect, especially during this season in my life that seems scary and full of uncertainty.

It's hard to imagine how hard you work to build yourself back up to be torn down again, but this message shows that it's far from that.

God has a plan.  He removes things from your life when they've become toxic.

Let God guide you in this season of your life and you'll be amazed at what the path leads too.

God, I trust you.

Show me the way.

Amen.

When God knocks...

ALWAYS OPEN THE DOOR!!!

Because nothing is too hard for the Lord!

I'm currently facing what seems to feel like an impossible situation.

Driving home in tears last night, I realized that my confidence in my self worth, that I had been trying to build up over the last year, was just shattered into a million pieces within minutes.

When I get involved in anything, I give myself wholeheartedly and selflessly.

In doing so, I have found myself hurt or incredibly broken when things don't seem to go in my favor or cruel assumptions are made.

Rather than wallowing, I spent most of the morning and afternoon trying to piece back the million pieces that were shattered.

I started gaining my confidence and understanding my worth again.

Then BOOM!!!

The Devil's knocking at the door...

I'm back to being broken and battle worn.

Feeling helpless and replaying it all in my head again.

I had to force myself to remember that nothing is too hard for the Lord.

Even through our toughest challenges, we should always remember that God is there to pick us back up.  We are the biggest challenge to Him every day, but He never gives up on us.  We should never give up on Him and His grace.

I've been doing a bible study through an app on my phone since the first of the year.  The study today focuses on 3 challenges in the Bible from Proverbs 1:8-19 (resisting temptation), Matthew 6:25-7:23 (living the life style of Jesus), and Genesis 17:1-18:33 (Trusting the Lord in difficult times).

Matthew and Genesis were the two that I could really relate to in this moment.

Jesus says, "do to others what you would have them do to you." - Matthew 7:12

Even though this is so beautifully simple, it can seem almost impossible to live out.

"Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them." (v.12)

If nothing is too hard for the Lord, then we can live by this golden rule, right?

I believe it's something we all as humans struggle with.

Worry is usually my biggest challenge and Matthew 6 is about trusting our Heavenly Father to provide (v.26) and to stop worrying.  God knows our every need (v.32).

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of sorrow; but it empties today of strength." - Corrie ten Boom

Among our challenges, we may want to judge especially if we feel someone has done us wrong.  But Jesus encourages in Matthew 7:1-5, "rather than sowing harsh criticism and judgement, sow mercy, kindness, and love."

It's also important to live a radical life and stay on the narrow road that has no room from pride, dishonesty, anger, hatred of enemies, or unforgiveness. (v.13-14)

In Genesis 17, the Lord appears to Abraham with a huge challenge: "I am God Almighty; walk before me faithfully and be blameless" (v.1).

God makes an everlasting promise to Abraham with this challenge; He promises the land of Canaan, as well as the many descendants and nations will come for him, which is where his name Abram was change to Abraham, the 'father of all nations' (v.5).

We can learn so much from Abraham's intimate relationship with God, as Abraham trusted God in his difficult journey of life, however God was in constant conversation with Abraham, encouraging and promising him things along the way.  

If we truly listen and are obedient to God, just as Abraham was, we receive many blessings and promises as we overcome our challenges of life, even ones we never thought we would deserve.

This was an amazing reminder for me today.  No matter what challenge I face, worrying will only cause me to lose strength along the way, so I must lean on God always, so his promises will be fulfilled.

"Lord, help me today and always to continue to trust in You.  Thank you, that whatever the issues I'm currently facing in my life, nothing is too hard for you.  Amen"

No matter what you are currently facing right now, don't worry and trust that God will hear your prayers and act accordingly in His timing.

Good things are coming your way.

Just keep opening the door to God.

He will guide you to something amazing!

God Blessed my Broken Road

This is a very rare and raw post. I recorded this video almost 2 years ago hoping I found everything I was looking for. Little did I know, I was so very wrong and faced one of the most difficult times of my life. However, 2018 led me to see this song in a different light. This song guided me to see God did bless the broken road I had traveled. He didn't lead me to a man I was hoping to have, but He led me to something so much greater. He led me to not only rediscovering and learning to truly love and accept myself, but also led me to have an amazing relationship with Him and my faith. This video is a reminder of how far I've come this last year and what I hope to continue to discover in 2019! I now sing this song for me and God. ❤

A New Year's Blessing

A Prayer about BLESSINGS

Merciful God,

Your love is like an ocean, and wave after wave of your blessings flow over me.  Your Word says that you have promised rich blessings to those who love you, including your presence, your grace, your comfort, your provision, and your eternal peace.  What abundant riches!  I am overwhelmed by your love and generosity toward me; my cup overflows O Lord, may I always respond to your blessings with gratitude and obedience.  And guard me from desiring blessings just for my own benefit so that I can live a comfortable life.  I know that would be misunderstanding your purpose, which is to bless me so that I can bless others.  May your love and grace flow through me.

Amen.

I am walking into 2019 with a clear heart and mind.  

If you wronged me, it's okay.  I forgive you.  

If you're angry with me, you won.  I've let it go.  

If we aren't speaking, it's honestly okay.  I truly wish you well. 

 If you feel I wronged you, I am very sorry.  It definitely was never my intention.

  

I'm grateful for every experience that I've been given.  Life is too short for pent up anger, holding of grudges, stress, fear, or pain.  

Here's to 2019!
I choose to...
give rather than take,
love rather than hate,
better rather than bitter,
heal rather than wound,
let go rather than dwell,
bless rather than stress,
encourage rather than criticize,
be grateful rather than resentful.

I choose to be happy and focus on the light within everyone rather than their shadows.

2019 is 

A season of continued forgiveness and a positive mindset.

God is in control. 

The Walking Tree

About a year ago, I came across this devotional video series on my bible app called "Miles a Minute."

I recently just started watching them again and forgot how powerful they were.

The best part is that these videos are only a minute long and have so much to offer within that minute.

The episode that really struck me was revolved around "The Walking Tree."

It talked about how a walking tree has roots on both sides of the tree.

If the tree wants to move to the left, the roots on the right side must die in order for it to move forward to the left.

The video further explained that in order to move forward in life with God, we must let the past die first, our old roots.

Old habits.

Old relationships.

Old perceptions.

 Old views of yourself.

You will then grow new roots as you start leaning and trusting God on the new path you have chosen and that He is leading you down.

Just as it states in 2 Corinthians 5:14.-17,

"Christ's love controls us.  Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.  He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves.  Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.  So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view.  At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view.  How differently we know him now!  This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.  The old life is gone; a new life has begun."     

This has been something I've been reflecting on for the past 9 months.  I've been dealing with fears, insecurities, and anxiety all related to my past.  I've been working on letting go of all of these things and growing these new roots in God, trusting to lean on Him rather than my own control.

He has brought me so far and has given me a new strength within myself.  He has shown me how powerful He truly is when you give Him all your trust and control over to Him.

It was a rough year of healing, but I'm truly happy in this moment and every day I'm alive.

Where are your roots planted?

Are your roots still planted in the past?

Resentment.  Fear.  Pain.  Anxiety.

OR

Are you slowly letting your past roots die so you can be rooted in a future full of happiness and strength?

OR

Are you finally rooted in your present with God?

Do you feel His presence in your soul?  Do you feel his forgiveness?  Do you feel Him taking control over your life?  Do you feel strong and happy?

Where ever your roots are planted, know that God is for you and He is with you.

Nothing you've done in your past can keep you from moving forward with God.

Keep pushing forward.

It's worth it, trust me.

Happiness is in your future.

Fear is a Liar

Powerful things happen when you least expect it.

During a medical massage this past Monday, it was brought to my attention that my medical diagnosis on my neck and back was much deeper than just a physical issue.

I've been undergoing numerous medical massages and chiropractor adjustments over the last month to hopefully fix and put my body back to where it should be so the pain I've been in will subside.

After finding out I no longer have the curve in my neck, adjustments and massages are how I've spent most of my last few weeks, while battling endless and horrible pain.

While I've smiled through most of this, I was starting to feel defeated as to why the pain just wasn't stopping.

My adjustments were finally starting to move things back to where they belong, but still no relief.

As I was laying there Monday night, listening to the sounds of chimes coming from the speakers, my massage therapist had me flip over so she could work on my neck.

After a little while, she started working through a very tight muscle and realized once she got past it, there was inflammation around my spine.  After reassuring her that my x-rays came back with no signs of a herniated disk, she broke out in tears.

She told me about this vision she had which led her to believe that something deeper was going on than just the physical issue at hand.

She had this vision of a worm inside my neck.  It was yellow with fangs.  It reminded her of the worm at the bottom of a tequila bottle.  She said it had a hold on me and it was toxic.  She then named it fear.

The pain is not only my body trying to heal, but also me carrying fear around from my past.  

FEAR!!!!

I've overcome a lot, but never would have guessed that I was still carrying this around.

I drove home that night in a complete daze and listened to a song that was needed in that moment.

"Fear is a Liar" by Zach Williams

As my body and soul broke down, I realized my therapist was right.  I had to find a way to release this toxic lie within me.

Fear is a LIAR!!!

Fear will not have a hold of me any longer.  It doesn't control me.  It will not cause me anymore pain.

   I am still on the road to recovery and becoming stronger every day.

Physically.

Emotionally. Spiritually. Mentally.    

Fear might knock me down, but it sure as hell ain't gonna keep me down!!

https://youtu.be/sQTnREEtuNk

You Ought to Understand YOU!!

"Refuse to allow the circumstances of life to swallow you up so that you lose perspective.  There are things to do, but everything must be done from a position of order instead of chaos.  Be thoughtful in your process and apply divine wisdom.  Establish and maintain a solid connection with Me, says the Lord, and I will guide you.  Stay calm."

Life is hard and at times can seem extremely unfair.

However, those difficult and unfair situations make the good moments worth living for.

These last 8 months have not been the easiest for me, but this journey of healing and acceptance has helped me grow into a better person.

For as far back as I can remember, I was these 2 things.

A runner and a fixer.

I always ran away when things got tough.

I'd either run and turn to alcohol to bury the pain that I didn't want to face.

OR

 I tended to run into relationships that always needed fixing beyond what I could personally repair myself.

In doing so, I lost who I was and became a caregiver to everyone else.

I felt like if I could fix everyone else's problems, this emptiness inside me would be filled with gratitude from helping others.

That the pain from my past would just disappear.

But I found myself only feeling more alone and confused.

After finding the strength to get out of a relationship that was going down a dead end road, I promised myself that I would not get involved with anyone else until I fixed myself.

I always said my motto was "Until you become a me, you can't become a we."

Even though I preached this on many occasions, I didn't know how to become a "me."

Quite frankly, I didn't even like who me was!

Regardless of how much I despised myself, I knew I had learn to accept myself before I could have a healthy relationship with anyone else.

In the last 8 months, here are the things I've learned.

I have learned that being alone is okay.

I have learned that I don't need anyone, but I do desire to be with someone.

I  have learned that the only thing in life I truly need is God and God alone.

I have learned that my past was causing me to make poor decisions in my present.

I have learned to deal with my past, which led to learning how to be truly vulnerable, raw, and real with myself.

I have learned that I am a good person.

I have learned that I am NOT a victim.

I have learned that my past was NOT a mistake.

I have learned that all the horrible and unfair things that happened in my past where just life experiences to help me grow and understand what I want for my future.

I have learned that I am strong and my past will no longer keep me down.

I have learned to accept myself.

I have learned that I can only control how I react to people, but I can't control how people act.

I have learned that I can only make myself happy, no one else is responsible for that.

I have learned how to trust myself again.

I have learned self-control. 

I have learned each day is a blessing.

I have learned to truly love the woman that God has created me to be.

Learning all of this about myself has not been easy and there were times I just wanted to give up over the last 8 months and fall back into old habits.

But I didn't.  I kept pushing forward.

I trusted God to be in control and here I stand today:

STRONGER.

SMARTER.

HAPPIER.

HEALTHIER.

I love where my life is at in this moment.  I love that I'm okay with being single at 30 years old and knowing that I can take care of myself and not feel dependent on anyone.

Do I want to start a family one day?

Of course I do, more than anything.

But I want to continue growing into a healthier and happier person so when the right person does come along, I'll actually be ready to finally become a "we."

God has taught me a lot, especially in these last 8 months.  

The thing I love about Him the most, are the little lessons He teaches me each day when I least expect or find myself feeling like a victim from my past.

What He taught me this week was so profound, I couldn't help but laugh and call myself silly for feeling so negative about myself.

Here is what he taught me through a devotional I receive every morning.

"Beloved, I have created you to be resilient, and I will lift you to a place spiritually where you can bounce back from difficult conditions.  However, you must exercise your will to move forward by not taking the victim position.  Take one step at a time and one day at a time to regain faith and power, says the Lord."

You are not a victim.  You will overcome whatever you are facing.  Trust God and learn to trust yourself again.  In time, you will find what you've been searching for this entire time.

That my friends, is YOU.  The person God created YOU to be.