The Walking Tree

About a year ago, I came across this devotional video series on my bible app called "Miles a Minute."

I recently just started watching them again and forgot how powerful they were.

The best part is that these videos are only a minute long and have so much to offer within that minute.

The episode that really struck me was revolved around "The Walking Tree."

It talked about how a walking tree has roots on both sides of the tree.

If the tree wants to move to the left, the roots on the right side must die in order for it to move forward to the left.

The video further explained that in order to move forward in life with God, we must let the past die first, our old roots.

Old habits.

Old relationships.

Old perceptions.

 Old views of yourself.

You will then grow new roots as you start leaning and trusting God on the new path you have chosen and that He is leading you down.

Just as it states in 2 Corinthians 5:14.-17,

"Christ's love controls us.  Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.  He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves.  Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.  So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view.  At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view.  How differently we know him now!  This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.  The old life is gone; a new life has begun."     

This has been something I've been reflecting on for the past 9 months.  I've been dealing with fears, insecurities, and anxiety all related to my past.  I've been working on letting go of all of these things and growing these new roots in God, trusting to lean on Him rather than my own control.

He has brought me so far and has given me a new strength within myself.  He has shown me how powerful He truly is when you give Him all your trust and control over to Him.

It was a rough year of healing, but I'm truly happy in this moment and every day I'm alive.

Where are your roots planted?

Are your roots still planted in the past?

Resentment.  Fear.  Pain.  Anxiety.

OR

Are you slowly letting your past roots die so you can be rooted in a future full of happiness and strength?

OR

Are you finally rooted in your present with God?

Do you feel His presence in your soul?  Do you feel his forgiveness?  Do you feel Him taking control over your life?  Do you feel strong and happy?

Where ever your roots are planted, know that God is for you and He is with you.

Nothing you've done in your past can keep you from moving forward with God.

Keep pushing forward.

It's worth it, trust me.

Happiness is in your future.

Fear is a Liar

Powerful things happen when you least expect it.

During a medical massage this past Monday, it was brought to my attention that my medical diagnosis on my neck and back was much deeper than just a physical issue.

I've been undergoing numerous medical massages and chiropractor adjustments over the last month to hopefully fix and put my body back to where it should be so the pain I've been in will subside.

After finding out I no longer have the curve in my neck, adjustments and massages are how I've spent most of my last few weeks, while battling endless and horrible pain.

While I've smiled through most of this, I was starting to feel defeated as to why the pain just wasn't stopping.

My adjustments were finally starting to move things back to where they belong, but still no relief.

As I was laying there Monday night, listening to the sounds of chimes coming from the speakers, my massage therapist had me flip over so she could work on my neck.

After a little while, she started working through a very tight muscle and realized once she got past it, there was inflammation around my spine.  After reassuring her that my x-rays came back with no signs of a herniated disk, she broke out in tears.

She told me about this vision she had which led her to believe that something deeper was going on than just the physical issue at hand.

She had this vision of a worm inside my neck.  It was yellow with fangs.  It reminded her of the worm at the bottom of a tequila bottle.  She said it had a hold on me and it was toxic.  She then named it fear.

The pain is not only my body trying to heal, but also me carrying fear around from my past.  

FEAR!!!!

I've overcome a lot, but never would have guessed that I was still carrying this around.

I drove home that night in a complete daze and listened to a song that was needed in that moment.

"Fear is a Liar" by Zach Williams

As my body and soul broke down, I realized my therapist was right.  I had to find a way to release this toxic lie within me.

Fear is a LIAR!!!

Fear will not have a hold of me any longer.  It doesn't control me.  It will not cause me anymore pain.

   I am still on the road to recovery and becoming stronger every day.

Physically.

Emotionally. Spiritually. Mentally.    

Fear might knock me down, but it sure as hell ain't gonna keep me down!!

https://youtu.be/sQTnREEtuNk

You Ought to Understand YOU!!

"Refuse to allow the circumstances of life to swallow you up so that you lose perspective.  There are things to do, but everything must be done from a position of order instead of chaos.  Be thoughtful in your process and apply divine wisdom.  Establish and maintain a solid connection with Me, says the Lord, and I will guide you.  Stay calm."

Life is hard and at times can seem extremely unfair.

However, those difficult and unfair situations make the good moments worth living for.

These last 8 months have not been the easiest for me, but this journey of healing and acceptance has helped me grow into a better person.

For as far back as I can remember, I was these 2 things.

A runner and a fixer.

I always ran away when things got tough.

I'd either run and turn to alcohol to bury the pain that I didn't want to face.

OR

 I tended to run into relationships that always needed fixing beyond what I could personally repair myself.

In doing so, I lost who I was and became a caregiver to everyone else.

I felt like if I could fix everyone else's problems, this emptiness inside me would be filled with gratitude from helping others.

That the pain from my past would just disappear.

But I found myself only feeling more alone and confused.

After finding the strength to get out of a relationship that was going down a dead end road, I promised myself that I would not get involved with anyone else until I fixed myself.

I always said my motto was "Until you become a me, you can't become a we."

Even though I preached this on many occasions, I didn't know how to become a "me."

Quite frankly, I didn't even like who me was!

Regardless of how much I despised myself, I knew I had learn to accept myself before I could have a healthy relationship with anyone else.

In the last 8 months, here are the things I've learned.

I have learned that being alone is okay.

I have learned that I don't need anyone, but I do desire to be with someone.

I  have learned that the only thing in life I truly need is God and God alone.

I have learned that my past was causing me to make poor decisions in my present.

I have learned to deal with my past, which led to learning how to be truly vulnerable, raw, and real with myself.

I have learned that I am a good person.

I have learned that I am NOT a victim.

I have learned that my past was NOT a mistake.

I have learned that all the horrible and unfair things that happened in my past where just life experiences to help me grow and understand what I want for my future.

I have learned that I am strong and my past will no longer keep me down.

I have learned to accept myself.

I have learned that I can only control how I react to people, but I can't control how people act.

I have learned that I can only make myself happy, no one else is responsible for that.

I have learned how to trust myself again.

I have learned self-control. 

I have learned each day is a blessing.

I have learned to truly love the woman that God has created me to be.

Learning all of this about myself has not been easy and there were times I just wanted to give up over the last 8 months and fall back into old habits.

But I didn't.  I kept pushing forward.

I trusted God to be in control and here I stand today:

STRONGER.

SMARTER.

HAPPIER.

HEALTHIER.

I love where my life is at in this moment.  I love that I'm okay with being single at 30 years old and knowing that I can take care of myself and not feel dependent on anyone.

Do I want to start a family one day?

Of course I do, more than anything.

But I want to continue growing into a healthier and happier person so when the right person does come along, I'll actually be ready to finally become a "we."

God has taught me a lot, especially in these last 8 months.  

The thing I love about Him the most, are the little lessons He teaches me each day when I least expect or find myself feeling like a victim from my past.

What He taught me this week was so profound, I couldn't help but laugh and call myself silly for feeling so negative about myself.

Here is what he taught me through a devotional I receive every morning.

"Beloved, I have created you to be resilient, and I will lift you to a place spiritually where you can bounce back from difficult conditions.  However, you must exercise your will to move forward by not taking the victim position.  Take one step at a time and one day at a time to regain faith and power, says the Lord."

You are not a victim.  You will overcome whatever you are facing.  Trust God and learn to trust yourself again.  In time, you will find what you've been searching for this entire time.

That my friends, is YOU.  The person God created YOU to be.

Let GoD... Learning to Trust Yourself Again

Feelings of hurt or anger can be some of the most difficult to face.
We can feel so vulnerable, frightened, and powerless when these feelings appear.

Often times we want to seek out actions to avoid these feelings, however it's only temporarily relief.

Feeling hurt does not have to be so frightening and we don't have to avoid it.  
We can surrender to them, feel them, and go on.

Eventually, we learn the lesson that real power comes from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to feel hurt.  

Real power comes from knowing we can take care of ourselves, even when we feel emotional pain.  

Real power comes when we stop holding others responsible for our pain, and we take responsibility for all our feelings.

Today, I will surrender to my feelings, even the emotionally painful ones.  Instead of acting in haste, or attempting to punish someone, I will be vulnerable enough to feel my feelings.

This is from a book my grandmother let me borrow a couple weeks back called, "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie.

This last week in a half has been hard for me and it is not easy for me to admit either.

I can proudly say I have not turned to old habits.

I've allowed myself to feel real emotional pain.

I've cried more than I can count.
I've laughed.
I've even felt scared and alone.
I've embraced any emotion I felt.

I finally found the strength to get a consistent negative force out of my life.

In doing so, I not only found out I was much stronger in my healing process, but also found that my lack of trust within myself had to be rebuilt again.

This negative force caused me to feel so beat down as a person.

By surrendering to my painful emotions over the last week, I've grown to learn and understand that I am NOTHING that this negative force said I was.

I AM A REAL PERSON.

With real feelings and emotions.

I AM...

Trustworthy.
Loyal.
Honest.
Kind.
Loving.
Mother and wife worthy.
A Child of God.

NO ONE  will take that away from me.

Let Go and
Let God...
Heal you.
Change you.
Strengthen you.
Enlighten you.
Inspire you.
Give you love.

Let God be in control.
Let God be the only one you trust in order to trust yourself again.

Trust can be one of the most confusing concepts in recovery.
The most important trust issue we face is learning to trust ourselves.  
The most detrimental thing that's happened to us is that we came to believe we couldn't trust ourselves.

There will be some who say we cannot trust ourselves, we are off base and out of whack.  There are those who benefit by our mistrusting ourselves.

Fear and doubt are OUR ENEMIES!!

Self-trust is a healing gift we can give to ourselves.  

Do not trust fear.  Do not trust panic.  

We can trust ourselves
stand in our own truth 
stand in our light.  

Trust ourselves, and we will know whom to trust.  
Trust ourselves, and we will know what to do.  

When we feel we absolutely cannot trust ourselves, trust that GOD will guide us into truth.


God believes in You.
God believes in Me.
Trust God and trust yourself again.
Become that confident person through the grace of God.

I know each day, God has given me a new confidence and that is something I can trust!


God, help me let go of fear, doubt, and confusion -- the enemies of self-trust.  Help me go forward in peace and confidence.  Help me grow in trust for myself and You, one day at a time, one experience at a time.

Sei perdonato.