Finding peace on a bad day

I sit here looking at the amazing view my balcony offers.  I see ducks swimming, I hear birds tweeting their sweet tune, and I also hear the neighbor boy screaming out of his door, with his face pasted against the screen...ha!  And as I lean over my balcony to look at him, I see him smile a smile of satisfaction.  Like it was his goal to get my attention.  At that point, all I could do was smile.

Among all of these joyous sights and sounds, I still feel sad.  I still feel lost.  I still feel anxious.  

Why?

There are so many things in life to be thankful for.  All the rain we got the last several days to help things grow and bloom.  The time I've gotten to spend with my sister this last week.  A much needed week off from work.

But I still feel sad?  Why?

This is the only reasonable solution I could come up with...

A lot of has happened over this last year and I think I try so hard to be strong for so long that eventually my mind, body, and soul need a good cleanse.  Of course everything seems to hit all at once, but maybe this is God's way of saying, "It's okay.  I'm here.  Lean on me.  I'm not going anywhere."

I've been struggling with anxiety really bad lately.  Almost to the point where nothing calms me down.  I used to struggle with this when I was in college and few times when I lived in Texas.  But this seems to hit way too frequently now.

Often times, the only thing that calms me down is writing.  And that's what I do.

I write about my feelings.  I express how being vulnerable is incredibly hard for me.  Doing this seems to always bring my heart rate down and work through whatever caused me to get anxious in the first place.

I've always heard that journaling helps people sort through a lot of things.  This is my form of journaling I feel.

If you're struggling like I am, it's okay.  You're not alone.  Find ways to find peace.  Be thankful for the good things in your life, even though your heart and soul tell you otherwise.  

You'll get through it, just like I have.  Just by writing this particular post, I feel a lot better than what I did.

We all have different ways of coping with things.  This is normally my way.  How do you cope with bad days?

"Trust in the Lord with all heart and lean not on your own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5

Have a blessed and peaceful night.

xoxo 

Wisdom. Courage. Dignity.

"Knowing when to walk away is WISDOM.  Being able to is COURAGE.  Walking away, with your head held high is DIGNITY."

As I was unwinding from a long day at work, I came across this quote on facebook.  It truly hit home for me, or at least how I've been feeling over the last few weeks.

I never imagined myself facing some of the things I've faced over the last couple years.  But I have accepted that life is quite unpredictable and we must take each new situation as an opportunity to grow.

How do you let go of something you truly love?  The unexpected question that has been on my mind lately.

Unfortunately, the only answer I have for that is a cliché .  Give it time, as time heals all wounds.  

Good grief.

Honestly though, how do you let go of something you truly love, knowing it will better you in the long run?

The quote above says it all.

You gain wisdom by knowing.  You gain courage by acting on it.  You gain dignity by doing so with confidence.

Having this knowledge is what has been getting me through the rough patches in my life.  Letting go of something I love has been one of the hardest things in my entire life.  Along the way, I've learned it's okay to feel sad, angry, and upset.  It's okay to have days where you're absolutely certain about your decision, and other days where you doubt that decision and are devastated.  I've learned that all of that is completely normal.

I've also learned that everything happens for a reason.  Just like I stated at the beginning of this, each obstacle thrown my way gives me a chance to grow.  Gain that wisdom.  Gain that courage.  Gain that dignity.

I stand here today a stronger, smarter, and more confident woman I've ever been.  Even on my bad days, this is what I have to fall back on....

And that my friends is all I can ask for.

I can only hope that whatever you might be facing right now or what you could possibly face in the future that you too will find inspiration in this quote and become a stronger, better version of yourself!

XOXO

In need of peace among the chaos?

Let's end a beautiful day with a little bit of reflection....

"Commit your ways to the Lord; trust in him and he will act." -Psalms 37:5

"Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7

I have been feeling really anxious all day and I just haven't been able to figure out why. But as I sit here to unwind for the evening, I'm beginning to feel a since of peace as I reflect on these two powerful verses.

I've also been praying this simple prayer....

"God, please help me to have a mind of Christ right now. I need you."

I found that prayer on a website talking about how to overcome anxiety. I hope that if you are experiencing any worry, stress, or anxiety that these verses and talking to God will bring you peace too.

God bless you on this Saturday night!

A Letter to my sister...

Some of my best writing happens when I'm sitting alone in my apartment...

very late at night....

and almost falling over due to being so tired.

Even though I'm so tired, my heart is truly filled with joy right now.

Everyone has had their struggles this year and throughout their lives.  Some more than others.  One thing I've noticed though is how much stronger each of these individuals have gotten while facing their struggles.

I can happily say, I'm one of those people.  I stand strong today because of what I've been through this last year.  I've lost a lot a long the way.  I even got a little lost along the way.  However, I gained a lot too.  And I know all those other people who have been struggling have gained a lot in their tough journey as well.

Watching my sister pack her life into boxes as she starts her new journey, I'm filled with such happiness for her.  She is one of the strongest people I know.  She has been through hell and back throughout her life.  Being born with cerebral palsy, having epilepsy for most of her childhood, and dealing with people passing judgment because of these things.... she made it.  She stood strong in her faith in God.  She never lost sight of her bright future or herself.  She might have fallen off the path, just like we all have, but as soon as she got right back on, she was stronger than ever.

These last few weeks, I've gotten to share some amazing times with both my sister and my mom.  We've had more laughs and shared memories in the last 2 weeks, and it warms my heart to know that I'm blessed to be apart of this family.

As today is my last full day with my twin sister, I want to share these words with her....

Kimi,

Life has definitely not come easy for you.  I remember growing up, I was always so jealous of you because you got all of the attention and poor little Kara was left in the dust.  Looking back though, I'm glad it was that way.  Because during that time, you taught me so much about life and myself.

You taught me that it doesn't matter what others think about you.  People always saw you as something different.  But you didn't.  You saw yourself exactly as you were.  You were Kimberly Collins and you were okay with that!

You always had a smile on your face and no one wold have known you had been through surgery or that you were on a diet to help with seizures.  Even when you had seizures, once you came back to consciousness, what did you do.  You smiled.

You inspire me, Kimi.  There are days I wish I was as strong as you.  You will do great things in Carey and you will make Lukas a very happy man.  He is truly blessed to have you in his life, and I know he knows that.  I also know he will never take you for granted.  He sees your strength and he loves you because of who you were, who you are, and who you are destined to be.

God continues to work through you.  Never let that flame within you go out.  It changes peoples lives.  It changed mine!

I love you and will miss you!

Your wombmate (haha, couldn't keep it all serious!) :)

  

Derby Pie

This has been a highly requested recipe....

So here ya go!

This is my mom's recipe for derby pie....

One of the best!

1 stick of butter

1 cup sugar

2 eggs

A pinch of salt

1 tsp vanilla extract 

1/2 cup flour

1 cup Chocolate Chips

1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts (I prefer pecans)

1 regular frozen pie crust

Instructions:

*Microwave butter for 30 seconds (soften)

*Cream in 1 cup of sugar

*Add 2 eggs and blend together

*Add pinch of salt and tsp of vanilla extract

*Stir in 1/2 cup of flour

*Stir in 1 cup of chocolate chips and 1 cup of chopped nuts

*Pour into pie crust

Bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees or until it sets in the middle.

Serve with some vanilla ice cream and enjoy a Kentucky Derby tradition :)

How does 2015 look for you?

I wrote this blog post back at the end of 2012 and made it my ultimate goal to better myself in these 4 core areas.  I lasted until about May and then everything kind of crumbled into a million pieces after that.  I never set anything for 2014 due to other things I was going through and I feel like I could have handled things I went through so much better had I tried to set goals to better myself.  Even though I set these goals when I was in a different life, I feel I can still follow these guidelines for the upcoming year....

Will you join me in this journey?

Here was my story then, but the goals are what I will focus on now.....

*******************************************************************************

How many of you out there make New Year's resolutions...to better yourself in some way?

How many of you actually follow through with them?

Not me!

2013 is going to be different, at least for me.

After Christmas service, my mom grabbed a CD and a calendar off the table in the lobby of the church.  She handed them both to me.  

Oh great, something I probably won't listen to.

I thanked her anyway and told her I would listen to it.

She suggested I listen to it on our long drive back to Texas.  After we pulled out of the driveway, Matt and I looked at each other.  We agreed to listen to the CD.

Matt popped the CD into the CD player and this guy with an Australian accent blasted through the speakers.

Are you kidding me?  I thought this was just a Christmas CD with the traditional Christmas music.  There is no way I can listen to someone speak as I drive...I will fall asleep.

We let it play for about 2 minutes before we ejected the CD and put in one of my Christmas music CDs.

The next morning, I woke up to a text from my mom saying something along these lines...

"Morning!!  I highly recommend digging that CD out I got you from church and listening to it as you drive...great message!  Has no denominational take.  It can't hurt.  It may help greatly.  Love you!  Safe travels!"

Of course I snarled but had a little tug on my heart.

As we started down the highway, I asked Matt to stick the CD back in.  He snarled too.  I read the cover of the CD.  

Be The Best Version of Yourself

Matthew Kelly

I was completely blown away with the message he gave on this CD.  As he spoke, I felt like he was speaking to me.  He talked about how God's want for us here on earth is to continue to better ourselves and become the best version of ourselves.  

I was not a very good version on myself this year (2012).  I wasn't exactly the most patient wife, I was always complaining, I didn't take care of myself like I should have....

He described four core areas that we should all work on throughout the next year.  The areas include:

Physical
Emotional
Intellectual
Spiritual

He then went into giving examples on how to better ourselves in each of this core areas.

Physical: How many of us are always low in energy?  I know I am.  I always seem to get about an hour, maybe two of full energy before I crash.  He said we should make it a goal this year to exercise at least ONCE a week, every week for the entire year.  Pick a day you will work out and stick to it.

Manageable, right?

Matt got me a yoga kit for my birthday that I plan on using as a part of my physical improvement.  The more energy we have, the happier we are.  When we exercise, we feel better about ourselves...and our bodies also release endorphins that will give us more energy.

Emotional: When a relationship with someone is great, we are happier, right?  In order to keep that happiness in our lives, we need to make an effort to spend more quality time with our significant other.  Matthew Kelly said for the next year, pick one day a month, every month, for the entire year to do something with your significant other or someone you love.  It doesn't have to be a big luxurious vacation, but something different each time. Sit down at the beginning of the month, pick a day and place.  Plan for it and follow through.  It'll make a difference in your relationship which will increase your happiness.

Intellectual: For 10 minutes a day, every day for an entire year, read a "good" book.  A "good" book is a book that will help improve yourself.  It could be a self help book, Bible, etc... something that you will take something positive from it and apply it to your every day life.  When we feel better about ourselves, we are much happier.

See a theme going on?  Happiness :)

Spiritual: Matthew Kelly was specifically talking about Catholicism.  I grew up Catholic but have not been a practicing Catholic for the last few years.  Why?  Because the Mass was too boring, too traditional, always the same thing every Sunday, etc.  Many Catholics say that, right?  Even though I'm not involved in a church as of right now, I figured this next task could still be done.

Get a journal.  Take it to church with you every Sunday (or take it with you where ever you go).  On the front, write, "Things I've learned to be a better version on myself."  Every Sunday, write down ONE thing you heard that could help you become a better version of yourself.  Not only will you find ways to improve yourself, you'll aso find church more enjoyable.

Even if you don't go to church (like me), this is a great chance to take every day life experiences and turn ONE event that happens each day or each week into something that could help you become a better version of yourself.

I'm looking forward to finally sticking to my New Year's resolution this year.  I want to be a better person, a better friend, a better sister, a better daughter, and a better wife.  I feel that focusing on these four core areas frequently throughout the year will help me become a better version of myself.

Anyone else willing to try?

Whatever your resolution may be, I hope you find happiness and become a better version of yourself this year!

God Bless!!

Starting 2014 off right!

Life is tough.

There are many opportunities that will come your way... 

and in those times, you will succeed and you will fail.

It's easy to rejoice with the positive things in your life.

You find your dream job.

You find love and get married.

You have children and start a family.

When you fail, it's difficult to rejoice and be happy.  Often times, we find ourselves becoming discouraged, angry, and sometimes depressed.

In these times, we must remember that everything happens for a reason.

Out of every bad situation, comes something good.

I've fallen into both categories and have experienced a range of emotions throughout each opportunity I've been given.

I've found that remaining positive when things get tough allows you to feel better about everything.

You've lost your job.  Your marriage is failing.  You've had an injury.  You lost someone very close and dear to you.

All of these things are tragic and incredibly difficult times.  

It's okay to cry.  

It's okay to be angry.

But don't let those negative feelings consume your life.

God will never give us something we can't handle; even if it's so tough you don't think you'll make it until tomorrow.

You're wrong.  You will.

And the best part about that is.....

You'll be stronger.

Each day you'll be a stronger person and you'll be able to face anything that comes your way.

Life is tough.

But YOU are stronger.

XOXO