You Are Free

It feels a little weird being back here with my thoughts on life, as it has been quite a while since I've put my thoughts and feelings into writing.

However, as I was drinking my coffee this morning, I decided to start this daily devotion that I picked up at a women's conference back in September that I attended with my best friend.

"Dare to Be" is the devotional series and the first devotion truly hit home for how I've been feeling most of my life.

Dare To Be Free.

That can stand true, I'm sure, for a lot of people facing challenging times in their lives.

Free.

Free from a bad habit.

Free from sinful behaviors.

Free from fear.

Free from feeling unworthy.

Free from feeling unloved.

Free from taking on guilt that doesn't belong to you.

Free from abuse.

Free from anxiety and depression.

Free from negativity.

Free. 

I've struggled with all of these things over the course of my life, but have slowly released myself from all of them.

Every once in a while, they can pop back up in your life and you have to figure out a way to push it back out.

The greatest thing to remember is that no matter what you have struggled with or are currently dealing with, it's never too late to set yourself free.

God is always there no matter how many times you need to be picked back up.

I found this quote from the devotional very powerful that I wanted to include in this post.

"You and I are FREE.  We are NO LONGER slaves to anything.  We are HIS.  We are LOVED.  And HE is more than enough for every hurt that we try to numb or void we try to fill.  Trust Him today with your need.  And believe that your freedom He offers is always the better option.  The only option.  You are free.  Don't stay in your slave quarters anymore.  Live.  love.  And claim your freedom today." (Dare to be, Natalie Grant & Charlotte Gambill)

WOW!!

God will always set you free if you put your full trust in Him.  

I truly know and believe this because He has worked in my life in ways that seem unreal at times.  But I wouldn't be where I'm at today if it wasn't for Him setting me free from all the burdens I carried for so many years.

I've grown so much in this last year and have found so much strength in my abilities.

I am strong!

I am worthy!

I am loved!

I am empowered!

I am happy!

I am a Child of God!

No matter what you are struggling with today, lay it at the cross and give it to Jesus.  He will take your burdens and free you from it all.  Just trust that His plans are bigger than your current situation.

You are free.

You are beautiful and worthy.

You are loved.

You are strong.

Keep pushing forward and set yourself free and experience what God truly desires for you.

A life enriched with many blessings.

God Bless!

God's Surprise Plan

All through Lent, I kept telling myself that I wanted to make Holy Week one of the best weeks I've ever experienced.  

Lent taught me so much discipline and obedience as I got up each morning at 5am to spend quiet time with God.  

Even on those mornings I felt tired, God brought me a lot of peace and strength.

As Holy Week was approaching, I saw all the events going on at my church each day and became excited hoping to go to each event.

As Monday finally arrived, I noticed my pep wasn't as peppy as it had been throughout Lent.  I tried to just shake it off as I did have a busy weekend and stayed up far too late partying it up with Tim McGraw at Notre Dame.  Awesome concert, btw!

As the day progressed, I could tell that something wasn't right but still chose to ignore the weirdness my body (er, God!) was trying to tell me.  As I got home, I felt like I had been hit by a huge semi-truck and decided I was going to stay home that night and rest so I could make all the other events the rest of the week.

BUT GOD HAD A DIFFERENT PLAN FOR ME.

SURPRISE!!!!!!

I woke up the next morning with the worst symptoms of the flu I think I've ever had and knew that God had something different in store for me the rest of the week.

And it wasn't going to any of the events either.

I tested positive for influenza A and seriously felt and looked like death.  I spent the next 6 days sleeping mostly and asking God why this was happening during Holy Week.   

Why are You giving me a high fever that spikes to temps that should probably kill me?

Why are You giving me aches and chills that make me feel like winter has come again?

Why are You giving me a cough that is causing my throat to feel like it's on fire?

Why did just moving from my bed to the couch knock me out for another 2-3 hours?

Why is this happening when all I wanted was to increase my obedience to you, God????

Little did I know that He was about to use my suffering to teach me more about obedience than I ever thought possible.

I kept Jesus' suffering at the very forefront of my mind every day.  I kept telling myself that He endured even more pain and suffering than I could ever experience from the flu.

What was my suffering trying to teach me about Jesus?

My uncontrollable chills (what guilt of sins can do to us emotionally and physically) -- The Agony in the Garden, Jesus feeling the weight of our sins, teaching us the importance of repentance of our sins.

My severe aches (toxins of our sins) -- The Scourging at the Pillar, heavy blows to His body that should have killed Him, teaching us what true purity and selflessness is.

My headache and fever (our sins can prevent moral knowledge) -- The Crowning of Thorns, Jesus teaching us the importance of moral courage of doing what is right over wrong.

My extreme exhaustion and fatigue (the determination to bear our crosses with patience) -- The Carrying of the Cross, the exhaustion and pain Jesus endured, however, he kept pushing forward with patience and determination, teaching us the virtue of patience.

My throat on fire (what temptation can feel like, the rocky path of faith we will experience till our time of death) -- The Crucifixion, teaching us that no matter how hard it is to stay on the path of faith,  no matter how severe the temptation, Jesus remained faithful to God through it all and died for our sins, teaching us that by having true faith in God, it will give us the armor we need to face everything and lead us to everlasting life.

WOW!

Never did I think I could learn so much about Christ's suffering for our sins from one simple but horrible flu I had.

God taught me true obedience through my suffering and I couldn't be more grateful from how powerful last week truly was for me.

Even if today was the first day I felt like a human again!

I encourage you to think of Christ's suffering when you feel yourself suffering and see if you learn something just as powerful.

It might change your life!

It certainly brought me closer to my faith!

Thank you God for this amazing lesson!!

I Am NOT Afraid

After reflecting on 2 Samuel 4, I realized that my life leading up to where I am now could relate a lot to Ishbosheth.  

He was a man who took his courage and trust from another man (Abner) rather than God.  When he found out about Abner's death, he felt as if he was left with nothing.  Then when under pressure, he turned to fear.

For most of my life, I thought my trust and courage came from the Lord, but soon realized that it came from trying to rescue and fix other people.  In doing so, when those people would disappoint me or leave, I felt as if my life was left with nothing at all.

I felt hopeless.  I felt unworthy.  I felt damaged.  

I felt doubt.  I felt alone.

I felt fear.

Fear can truly paralyze us when our faith and trust is in everything else but God.

But when we put our faith and trust in Him, we can overcome that fear.

"So we can say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear...'" (Hebrews 13:6)

"He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust Him.  Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrows that flies in the day." (Psalm 91: 2,5)

There are so many evil things going on in this world and it's hard not to fall into the darkness.  I was there and it was not an easy thing to pull myself out of either.  Once I realized that my entire life was living in this fear, I knew there was only one way out.

So I set it in my heart to grow closer to my faith and God.

Each day was a stepping stone and I slowly stopped finding my trust in others.

I started seeing God's goodness around me and His mercy for my lack of faith.

He was my shield against that darkness.

Did I fall short?  Of course I did.

The journey to trust and follow God is not meant to be easy.

But having patience and determination that you want to flee from that darkness and fear will guide you to put your whole heart into trusting God and many blessings and happiness will be waiting for you.

Truly blind faith.

As we read further into Chapter 5 of 2 Samuel, we learn how patient David was in waiting for God's promise to him.  David was promised the kingdom many years earlier, but it didn't become his until several years later.  However, his patience prepared him for his important tasks that were a head of him and also strengthened his character.  Think of all the times we have had to be patient in our lives.  I truly feel that my patience in this last year is what gave me the confidence and strength to be who I am today.  

When David captures the fortress of Zion, it truly shows David's trust in God.  The Jebusites told him that even the blind and lame could keep him out because they felt they were safe within the walls around them.  But think about it, are we truly safe if God is not near?  The Jebusties were the ones who were blind and lame as they had their trust in the false security of other things but the Lord.

However, David shows us that his trust and security is in God and he found a way to show his trust in God in how he captures this city that then became the City of David.  

Whether we are surrounded by walls of stone, a comfortable home, or a secure job, no one can predict what tomorrow may bring.  Our relationship with God is the only security that cannot be taken away. 

Chapter 5 ends with David's battle with the Philistines and how he asked and listened to God to guide him on what to do and how to conquer this battle.  

We are given free will and most of us struggle to find the right thing to do in life.  We have the choice to ignore God and do things our own way OR truly listen and look for signs from God to guide us to make the right decision.

David was the chosen one and even though he failed on his journey, he put on the armor of God, he listened and he trusted Him without fear of what was to come.

This inspires me because of the fear I've lived with for many years.  But I choose to trust God as David did, have the patience that my trust in God will guide me down the path to true happiness without the fear that almost took over my life.

Are you going to put your trust and courage in others like Ishbosheth or are you going to put on your armor of faith and find your security in God?

Patience.  Determination.  Trust.

   

A Sign of Hope

This message from yesterday's devotional was absolutely perfect, especially during this season in my life that seems scary and full of uncertainty.

It's hard to imagine how hard you work to build yourself back up to be torn down again, but this message shows that it's far from that.

God has a plan.  He removes things from your life when they've become toxic.

Let God guide you in this season of your life and you'll be amazed at what the path leads too.

God, I trust you.

Show me the way.

Amen.

When God knocks...

ALWAYS OPEN THE DOOR!!!

Because nothing is too hard for the Lord!

I'm currently facing what seems to feel like an impossible situation.

Driving home in tears last night, I realized that my confidence in my self worth, that I had been trying to build up over the last year, was just shattered into a million pieces within minutes.

When I get involved in anything, I give myself wholeheartedly and selflessly.

In doing so, I have found myself hurt or incredibly broken when things don't seem to go in my favor or cruel assumptions are made.

Rather than wallowing, I spent most of the morning and afternoon trying to piece back the million pieces that were shattered.

I started gaining my confidence and understanding my worth again.

Then BOOM!!!

The Devil's knocking at the door...

I'm back to being broken and battle worn.

Feeling helpless and replaying it all in my head again.

I had to force myself to remember that nothing is too hard for the Lord.

Even through our toughest challenges, we should always remember that God is there to pick us back up.  We are the biggest challenge to Him every day, but He never gives up on us.  We should never give up on Him and His grace.

I've been doing a bible study through an app on my phone since the first of the year.  The study today focuses on 3 challenges in the Bible from Proverbs 1:8-19 (resisting temptation), Matthew 6:25-7:23 (living the life style of Jesus), and Genesis 17:1-18:33 (Trusting the Lord in difficult times).

Matthew and Genesis were the two that I could really relate to in this moment.

Jesus says, "do to others what you would have them do to you." - Matthew 7:12

Even though this is so beautifully simple, it can seem almost impossible to live out.

"Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them." (v.12)

If nothing is too hard for the Lord, then we can live by this golden rule, right?

I believe it's something we all as humans struggle with.

Worry is usually my biggest challenge and Matthew 6 is about trusting our Heavenly Father to provide (v.26) and to stop worrying.  God knows our every need (v.32).

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of sorrow; but it empties today of strength." - Corrie ten Boom

Among our challenges, we may want to judge especially if we feel someone has done us wrong.  But Jesus encourages in Matthew 7:1-5, "rather than sowing harsh criticism and judgement, sow mercy, kindness, and love."

It's also important to live a radical life and stay on the narrow road that has no room from pride, dishonesty, anger, hatred of enemies, or unforgiveness. (v.13-14)

In Genesis 17, the Lord appears to Abraham with a huge challenge: "I am God Almighty; walk before me faithfully and be blameless" (v.1).

God makes an everlasting promise to Abraham with this challenge; He promises the land of Canaan, as well as the many descendants and nations will come for him, which is where his name Abram was change to Abraham, the 'father of all nations' (v.5).

We can learn so much from Abraham's intimate relationship with God, as Abraham trusted God in his difficult journey of life, however God was in constant conversation with Abraham, encouraging and promising him things along the way.  

If we truly listen and are obedient to God, just as Abraham was, we receive many blessings and promises as we overcome our challenges of life, even ones we never thought we would deserve.

This was an amazing reminder for me today.  No matter what challenge I face, worrying will only cause me to lose strength along the way, so I must lean on God always, so his promises will be fulfilled.

"Lord, help me today and always to continue to trust in You.  Thank you, that whatever the issues I'm currently facing in my life, nothing is too hard for you.  Amen"

No matter what you are currently facing right now, don't worry and trust that God will hear your prayers and act accordingly in His timing.

Good things are coming your way.

Just keep opening the door to God.

He will guide you to something amazing!

God Blessed my Broken Road

This is a very rare and raw post. I recorded this video almost 2 years ago hoping I found everything I was looking for. Little did I know, I was so very wrong and faced one of the most difficult times of my life. However, 2018 led me to see this song in a different light. This song guided me to see God did bless the broken road I had traveled. He didn't lead me to a man I was hoping to have, but He led me to something so much greater. He led me to not only rediscovering and learning to truly love and accept myself, but also led me to have an amazing relationship with Him and my faith. This video is a reminder of how far I've come this last year and what I hope to continue to discover in 2019! I now sing this song for me and God. ❤

A New Year's Blessing

A Prayer about BLESSINGS

Merciful God,

Your love is like an ocean, and wave after wave of your blessings flow over me.  Your Word says that you have promised rich blessings to those who love you, including your presence, your grace, your comfort, your provision, and your eternal peace.  What abundant riches!  I am overwhelmed by your love and generosity toward me; my cup overflows O Lord, may I always respond to your blessings with gratitude and obedience.  And guard me from desiring blessings just for my own benefit so that I can live a comfortable life.  I know that would be misunderstanding your purpose, which is to bless me so that I can bless others.  May your love and grace flow through me.

Amen.

I am walking into 2019 with a clear heart and mind.  

If you wronged me, it's okay.  I forgive you.  

If you're angry with me, you won.  I've let it go.  

If we aren't speaking, it's honestly okay.  I truly wish you well. 

 If you feel I wronged you, I am very sorry.  It definitely was never my intention.

  

I'm grateful for every experience that I've been given.  Life is too short for pent up anger, holding of grudges, stress, fear, or pain.  

Here's to 2019!
I choose to...
give rather than take,
love rather than hate,
better rather than bitter,
heal rather than wound,
let go rather than dwell,
bless rather than stress,
encourage rather than criticize,
be grateful rather than resentful.

I choose to be happy and focus on the light within everyone rather than their shadows.

2019 is 

A season of continued forgiveness and a positive mindset.

God is in control.